Still A Twenty-Something With Something To Say

Dear Friends and Fiends,

It’s been three years since my last entry that I am now more than halfway into being able to call this blog “My Thirty-Somethings.” As a quintessential millennial snowflake, I just want you to know that this is not my fault. I’d like to blame my lack of writing on a multitude of extrinsic factors that have been keeping me busy, while simultaneously updating you on what has happened in the past 3 years.

• You can call me doctor, as I am now a licensed retail pharmacist (est. 2015). The best part of my job is when 87 year-old men ask me out for steak dinners and try to sneak 20 dollaa bills in my lab coat, and the worst part of my job is that I cannot accept it, because ethics or something.
• I moved out of my parents’ house and into my very own one bedroom apartment. It’s nice being able to live life by my own rules, which typically means eating a Trader Joe’s frozen food item while my mom sends me pics of another lavish home-cooked meal, and being in bed by 10pm.
• I drive the one hour and visit my parents so often that I may have Stockholm Syndrome.
• I’ve discovered the joy of eating at restaurants as a Party of 1 and watching weekday movie matinees all by myself. I love it so much that I will never again judge my misanthropic uncle who once said, and I quote, “People hold me back.” I getchu now, Unc.
• I’ve made zero new friends since graduation, unless you count the 5 people in my German language class who were obligated to see me for 2 hours a week. Post grad socializing is rough, y’all. How are you supposed to be cool, casual and fun, and hold down a job?
• Ich habe Deutsch gelernt. BTW, taking a language class is a great way to learn a lot of personal details about someone in a short amount of time. Occupation? Age? Pets? Dreams and aspirations? How many kids do you want? All topics are covered and you don’t even have to stalk their social media accounts. (s/o to any classmates reading this, who are probably filing for restraining orders right now)
• Simon der German BF moved to Dublin and is now 792 miles closer and 1 less time zone away than he was 3 years ago. I just reread my old blog post, which was essentially a very public, very emotional love letter that was written after just one week of meeting him. I never thought of myself as the crazy girl, but it’s been nearly 4 years and he is still living over 3000 miles away from me, SO MAYBE I AM CRAZY!?
• #45 – le sigh. I miss pre-2016 Ivanka but I may like 2017 Melania better. Anyway, wake me up when 2020 ends.

I’m trying to get back into this writing thing, so please tell me I’m great even though I’m not.

Love,

Your twenty-something millennial fish-flake