Wish I could write more but pharmacy school mode has kicked in. I have 1 or 2 exams every week until the end of the semester! Perhaps I will have time to write something this weekend. But until then, I thought I’d reblog an older post from my other tumblr that never ceases to be relevant.
As much as we secretly hope that our ex boyfriends/boytoys will never have the heart to look at another girl again (because well, who can stomach Salisbury when you’ve had a taste of Filet Mignon?) it’s inevitable that one day the grapevine will bring news that there is a new girl in his life. Now, it doesn’t matter that you’re already dating the pre-med, Taylor Lautner lookalike from your summer class. You’ll still develop the compulsion to Facebook stalk the shit out of her. It doesn’t mean you’re insecure or jealous or that you still haven’t gotten off the floor while wearing his clothes (Who are you? T-Swift?). I will not call you a psycho ex if you accidentally click on her Facebook page, and then through all 2,146 of her photos. I give you permission not to reprimand your BFF when she yells downgrade! after reading that new girl’s interests include watching Dance Moms and knitting scarves for her cats. And it’s totally OK to laugh at those chola ringlets hairsprayed to her forehead at senior prom, even though you personally went stag after your cousin broke his leg playing Wii bowling.
But before you blatantly start ripping her apart, consider taking the higher road. Compliment her without actually complimenting her. Pad your vocabulary with adjectives like, nice, happy, hard-working, pleasant, punctual. Maybe she has really straight teeth. Mention that. Her style is not bat-shit crazy, it’s unique. Don’t mention how the only other person who still wears lip liner is your legally blind great-aunt, or how if you squint your eyes, she looks like Steve Buscemi. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the reason why her hair looks like a pterodactyl laid its eggs in it is because she’s auditioning to be Anne Hathaway’s body double in Princess Diaries: The Prequel. My point is, don’t be cruel. It’s not her fault that your ex broke up with you because he needed time apart to “find himself” only to find himself wrapped around the arms of this girl just 11 days after. It’s not your job to poll your #twitfam to ask what he possibly sees in this girl. Pointing out her flaws will only point out your own.
Now, what happens when you find that new girl is unfortunately normal, or god forbid, an upgrade? Wait, no. Unless new girl is Emma Watson, that will never happen because you’re hella fabulous. So stop tweeting Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ lyrics, quit watching (500) Days of Summer on repeat and realize you’ll always be his one who got away.
